September 16, 2015

 

I Went to the 'Black Mass' Premiere and my Camera was in Selfie Mode

 

Only yesterday, the biggest blockbuster of the middle of September premiered in my hometown of Brookline, MA. It was such a big deal that it was even covered by our local newspaper!

 

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I was excited to see Johnny Depp (The Rum Diary) and other celebrities I didn't give a shit about arrive at my local theater to watch their masterpiece which biographically captured a sociopathic serial killer. Depp plays homage to local legend James 'Whitey' Bulger, who heroically murdered 19 people while ratting out his enemies to the FBI. The Winter Hill gangster was finally getting the recognition he deserved. So I showed up and took a bunch of photos and didn't realize my camera was in selfie mode the whole time....

 

 

Up first was Jesse Plemons, who plays Kevin Weeks. Kevin viciously murdered several, but gained immunity for cooperating with the feds. Jessie was also the bad guy in 'Breaking Bad,' one of my favorite shows.

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Next was Dakota Johnson, who plays Lindsey Cyr. Johnson also starred in '50 Shades of Grey,' which was one of the worst movies ever made. One can only wonder how this talentless hack has somehow managed to bounced back.

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Is that Scott Cooper? I have no idea who this guy is but everyone was yelling his name. Wait, just googled him. He's the director. Smile Scott!

 

 

Here I accidentally took a picture of the ground.

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Peter Sarsgard! No way! Wait, nope, no idea. Just one of the drivers or something.

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Here I took a selfie of myself smiling in the crowd!

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At this point, my friend Kurt showed up and told me to haul ass to the bar. I told Kurt I'd been standing there for an hour and might as well wait to see Johnny Depp. "Who cares," Kurt said through the crowd. He reminded me that I don't give a shit about any of this. We went to the bar and sat down next to Whitey Bulger's lawyer, J.W. Carney. "Hope you enjoy the movie," we said as he finished his shot and headed for the two-hour bloodbath, written by Mark Mallouk and Jez Butterworth. "I'm not too excited, I already know the ending," he replied. Kurt and I then took a selfie with him.

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At the bar, everyone was showing off their personal photos with their new friend Johnny Depp (The Libertine, Nick of Time). Here's an example of a shot so close you can see his sunglasses! At this point I realized my camera had been in selfie mode the whole time.

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And that is when I went to the 'Black Mass' premiere and left my camera in selfie mode.

 

I can't wait to see the movie about the Boston Marathon bombing, starring celebrity racist Mark Whalberg!

 

-Mark