April 29, 2018


Baby Finds Bottle on Beach,

Finally Let's Out Christina Aguilera


"I've been waiting like 20 years!"


Shells, rocks, cans.

Usually when you go to the beach you find these in the sand.


"I turned my eye for two seconds and he came back with a genie." Pam Beerton explains. "I can't leave him for a second."


Pam had not realized that little Quinn Beerton had just let out a 90's treasure. Pop star Christina Aguilera from the hit song "Genie in a Bottle."


"I've been waiting almost 20 years!" Aguilera shouts. "Did you not hear my song?!"


Apparently the 1999 hit song was a cry for help. Aguilera has been trapped and waiting for someone to come along, to let her out and make a wish.


"I don't know what he's going to wish for," Pam looks down at her son. "He can't even speak yet."


"No wishing for more wishes!" Aguilera shouts at the baby. "I know all the tricks!" She's spent the last 20 years memorizing all the rules from Aladdin, Jafaar, and Kazaam. The 3 most popular genies, according to Wikipedia. "Grab my belly and make a wish!"


Unfortunately for Christina, little Quinn can't speak and hence can't make a wish. She'll have to follow him wherever he goes until his first concious spoken thought. And even then, she'll have to try to piece together exactly what he means.


"GOOGOOGAGA," Quinn looks up at an annoyed genie.


-Mark Gormley