March 3, 2014


Samsung Galaxy Note III Review





About five months ago, I upgraded from the despicable iPhone 4s to the gigantic Samsung Galaxy Note 3. I have put a lot of use into it over these months. And it is finally time for me to let others know what I think of this phone.

The Samsung Galaxy Note 3 comes with some of the best specifications known to cell phones. 3 GB of ram, a 1080 full HD screen, 3200 Mah battery that lasts for hours at a time, a 13 megapixel camera that takes very disappointing pictures at night, and of course, turn-by-turn GPS. But the biggest standout of the Samsung Galaxy Note 3 is its size. The phone features a 5.7 inch touch screen. The phone has no keyboard whatsoever and heavily relies on the tips of your fingers hitting certain parts of the screen for all communication. This task gets frustrating quickly, as anyone with normal sized hands will not be able to hold this phone.

“That phone is huge. What’s wrong with you?” One of my friends asked my first time pulling out my brand new Samsung Galaxy Note 3.

“It’s my new phone. It’s a Samsung,” I replied.

“Well, it’s too big and you look like a fucking idiot,” he said.

These are the types of conversations you have every time you need to check Google+ or anything else on your Samsung Galaxy Note 3 when there are others around you.

“Hey look, Mark brought his computer to the bar.”

“Why did you bring your iPad out with you?”

“That phone is bigger than your head.”

“Why is that phone so big?”

“Is that a phone or a TV?”

“Nice computer, asshole.”

You have to be pretty confident in yourself to constantly deal with people questioning your choice in purchasing the Samsung Galaxy Note 3. But this was only the beginning of dealing with the size of this massive phone. I would soon find out that it might just be too much for me to handle.

When I first tried to put my Samsung Galaxy Note 3 into my pocket, only a corner would fit. I changed my jeans into a larger pair and the Samsung Galaxy Note 3 just barely fit.


I was able to go an hour or so before my belt snapped and my pants fell to the ground, right while I was giving a speech. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life.

After purchasing the Samsung Galaxy Note 3 Backpack for an extra $195, I was ready to hit the streets again with my colossal touch device. The ringer went off at an average volume, so I quickly put my backpack on the ground in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. I tried to be fast because I was holding up the foot traffic. I unzipped the bag and pulled the phone to my head, but I couldn’t handle the weight of the phone at that speed. I bashed it into my head and knocked myself out.

I awoke confused in the hospital emergency room. The doctor was standing at the end of my bed looking at his clipboard, shaking his head.

“You’re one of the lucky ones,” he said. “My name is Jack Pepper. I’m the doctor in charge of the Samsung Galaxy Note 3 related cases.”


“Wh-What happened?”


"You purchased a phone made in South Korea, that's the start of it," Dr. Pepper said sarcastically. "What were you thinking buying such a big phone? Did you even try it out before you bought it?"


"Yeah," I said. "In the Verizon store. I thought I would enjoy playing video games on such a large screen and-"


"Video games! You risked your life over a few extra pixels for Angry Birds!"


"No, I hate that game. I thought it would..." I looked behind the Doctor into the emergency room.




"What's going on out there, Doc?"


"Chaos," the Doctor said looking out into the ER. "Verizon just had a sale on the Note III. We're running out of space for all the patients. You think texting and driving was bad before? These people are trying to text and drive with a phone so big it covers the windshield!"


"I guess I am one of the lucky ones."


"You are. I'm on hour 36. We've had nurses pass out from all the blood. I've never seen anything like this. Is it true that that thing takes shitty pictures at night?"


"Yeah," I said ashamed. "My iPhone 4s was even better in dark places."


"My God. Do you even use that S-Pen it comes with?"


"I did once." COUGH COUGH " When I first bought it. What was I thinking?"


"It's alright son," Dr. Pepper said while patting me on the back. "You can switch back to an iPhone on your next upgrade."


"But Doc! I hate the iPhone!"


"Damnit, Mark, just switch back to the iPhone! Your life depends on it!" The Doctor gave up on me and walked back out into the chaos. "One last question, Mr. Gormley."




"How many stars are you giving this thing?"




Rating: 3.5/5


Although it's too big, it's still a decent phone.


If you are buying a new phone from Verizon, or anything from Verizon online, use the promo code Verizon30 and you will save 30%! On literally everything on the website. Tell 'em Mark sent you!