July 10, 2015

 

How to park at a Red Sox game for $4-$11

 

Years ago, I figured out the sneakiest way to park at a Red Sox game for cheap. I've been holding it back so as to not ruin my dirty little secret. However, I am a very nice guy. And I can just take the train to a game so what the hell do I care. Here is what you need for this:

 

1) Car

 

2) Money

 

3) Tickets to Red Sox game (These can be expensive)

 

4) Change of Clothes

 

5) Pregame beers for your friends (You're driving and should not drink)

 

6) Regal Rewards Card (Optional)

 

7) A love for baseball and cheap parking

 

With Red Sox tickets getting more and more expensive, it looks as if the parking fees are following suit.

 

prices

 

Alas, you will no longer have to pay these outragous prices to watch your favorite sports team win the penant!

 

standings

 

Step 1: Drive to the Fenway movie theater parking lot. When you pull in, they will ask if you're there for a Red Sox game. LIE! Tell them you're seeing the newest Leonardo DiCaprio movie. He's in a lot of movies and they won't know the difference. He's probably in a movie right now! Great actor though. I mean Inception? C'mon.

 

Step 2: Go into the movie theater (IN YOUR CIVILIAN CLOTHING!), go up to the kiosk and tell them you just want to pay for parking. It will cost $4.

 

movie

 

Remember, this is when you are wearing your change of clothes. Don't go in dressed as this guy:

 

fan

 

As they will clearly know you're not seeing a movie and you are a loser. Practice the words, "I want to pay for parking" in the elevator. You should have it down by the time you get there. If you're confident enough, use your Regal Rewards card and get some points.

 

Step 3: Get your parking ticket validated at the Customer Service Desk. You may be nervous about this, but they don't give a shit. They don't even validate the ticket. You put it in the machine yourself. Lazy bastards.

 

Step 4: Go back to your car and change into the fat slob above. Tell your friends to start chugging their pregame beers.

 

Step 5: Go to Red Sox game and watch your friend's girlfriend propose to him on the jumbotron.

 

altman

 

Step 6: Get a little gay after paying $10 per beer.

 

stefan

 

Step 7: After game, go back to your car and change back into civilian clothing.

 

Step 8: When you pay for parking, give them your parking ticket and movie voucher ticket (don't know what to call this) from theater. If you are over 3 hours, it will be another $7. Sometimes, you may be able to argue that the movie was 3 hours long! Which is why you said Leonardo DiCaprio earlier. His movies are long.

 

That is how you pay $4-$11 for parking at a Red Sox game.

 

Note - This is theoretical, I've never actually tried it.