To be taken VERY seriously.


If you have any ideas for inventions, submit them to If your idea is chosen, a donation will be made in your name to The Human Fund. The Human Fund: Money for the People.





Bacon.... anytime!


Also comes with salami.


Note: The bacon pictured above is uncooked. The consumption of raw and uncooked meat is bad for you or something.



The iPhone


For the phonetalker who likes his tunes.


"It's magical. It's revolutionary."

-Hipster douchebag


Headphones not included.



Battery Powered Battery Charger


When no plug is available.


Note: Charging two batteries will deplete batteries used in charger.


Batteries sold seperately.



The Time Shirt


Are you still using a watch?

You DO realize it's 2011 and not 1997, right?


"I used to constantly forget my watch at home. As a pilot, time is very important to me. You know, to make sure flights leave on their scheduled time. Now, I just wear the Time Shirt. It's a bit uncomfortable and the Airline looks down on me for wearing this instead of my uniform, but worrying about time is a thing of the past for me!"

-American Airlines Pilot



Corded Flashlight


Batteries not required!


Perfect for telling ghost stories or looking for your other flashlights.



The ShavieRoo


Brush your teeth and shave at the same time! Saves up to 3 minutes every morning!


"This is quite uncomfortable"

-Brian (pictured above)



The LifteeTalk


Get buff while you socialize!


"I put on five pounds of muscle while talking to the hottest chicks!"



Coming soon for the Iphone 4

Note: Not available on T-Mobile



The DuoMuggy


Now you can share that morning coffee with your best bud!


"That's fucking stupid."

-Anyone with common sense



The Safety Suit Deluxe

safety suit

Do you have a fear of falling?


"I was skeptical at first because the original safety suit was made of cheap material. It didn't quite do it for me. But after using the Deluxe for 6 months with no bruises, this is a must-have!

-Paid homeless man


Also available in black, brown and purple



The Roofie


Forgetting your coffee on the roof is a thing of the past!


Perfect for morons.





Sick of bending over to put on your socks?


Not anymore!





Listen to music while you dry off!


Note: Headphones sold seperately.





Good luck if you make a mistake.



Universal RemotePole


Works on almost anything!


Does not work on Playstation 3.


Note: Batteries not included.





For the man on the go who enjoys his fruit!


Is that a banana in your pocket? Yes!


Also available: 4-pack and 6-pack!